Day 183

Halfway there! The first six months of preparation for the Camino have already changed my life tremendously. I can only imagine where I'll be when this is all over. No, I take that back. I can't imagine at all! At the times when I feel I'm making no progress at all, something always comes along to remind me of how far I've come. That helps fuel my passion to continue. It's so rewarding to look back on where this has led me, so I can't wait to see what's ahead.

The reminder of my progress from this past weekend was a powerful one. So powerful, in fact, I am still processing it. I will share as much as I can, but I'm unable to tell everything out of respect for another person who was involved. This is mostly his story, I was only a bit player. But, bit player or not, I know I will feel the ripples from this experience for some time to come.

I went on a ghost hunting adventure in the desert of California at the Amargosa Hotel & Opera House in Death Valley. Lately, my theories and opinions on "ghosts" and the possibilities of what they might be have drastically changed. It's been exciting for me, but it's also sent me into a bit of a skeptical tailspin, so to speak. I don't know what to believe anymore. A crisis of faith is what I call it. I haven't been too worried about it, knowing it's all part of this new phase of my life that I'm entering, but I have struggled with the fact that I didn't know if I could believe anything at all.

When I arrived at the Amargosa Hotel, I was exhausted, having been up since 3:00 am to catch my flight. I knew I had a long night ahead of me, so I decided to take a nap before the evening's festivities began. I quickly fell sound asleep. I don't know how long I had been napping when I woke up with an overwhelming urge to turn on my iOvilus. For my non-paranormal friends, that's a ghost hunting tool that reads the energy in the room and spits out words. Usually when you turn it on, it begins to say random words, most of which make no sense. It never really shuts up. There's typically a word every few seconds. But this time, I turned it on, and nothing. Silence. I waited, and I waited. I was just about to turn it off when it said one single word.

Believe.

Then once again, it was silent. Not another word for the entire 20-30 minutes I left it on.

Soon it was time to get up and get ready for the first night of the event. It would be a night of socializing and fun. Barbecue, bonfire and beer. I had arrived alone, but I arrive at many events alone. I had long ago overcome the fear of just getting out there and meeting new people. I knew a few people who would be there as well, and had been looking forward to seeing them again. But as I laid there in the bed, my old social anxiety took over. Suddenly, I didn't want to go. I wanted to hide in my room. When I tell you I waged a war with myself to get out the door of my room and into the lobby of that hotel, I'm not exaggerating. No idea where that came from. I'm just glad I didn't let it stop me. I met some amazing new people and had a ton of fun with those I already knew. It reminded me of the message I got not long ago. "The darkness will be there if you need it. It's where you feel most comfortable," But instead of letting my old friend, fear, dictate my life, this time I chose the opposite. No darkness for me tonight, thank you very much. I choose the light. It is a choice. My choice.

The next night, was ghost hunting night. But what actually happened was so much more personal and rewarding than finding "evidence" of some former hotel guest still roaming the halls. It began in the former women's restroom in Spooky Hollow, the nickname they have given to the unrenovated portion of the hotel wing. I was standing in the room with three other people, when a darkness began to envelop us. The only way to explain it is that it was blacker than black. The darkness seemed to be emanating from one of the 3' X 3' shower stalls and surrounding us, sucking the light out of the room. Suddenly my friend turned to me and said,

"I think you need to go in the shower stall."

"ME?!? Why me?"

"Because this was the women's restroom and I feel like something bad may have happened in here to a woman."

As ghost hunters, we often go off of intuition and instinct like that. Hard to explain, but it sometimes works. So into the shower I went. OK, I wasn't as willing as that makes me sound. After my fingers were pried off the door jamb. and I received a good shove from behind, I found myself standing in the shower. As I stood in the very cramped stall, I saw a veil of darkness descend between me and the three people who were all within a few feet. Then a door appeared to open to my left. And behind that door was the vastness of the entire Universe. I wanted to reach out and see if I could touch the side of the shower stall, to see if I was imagining it, but I was afraid that something would grab my arm and suck me through the door and I'd be gone. I asked my friend to peek in and see if he saw anything.

"Whoa!" he said. "It's like Space Mountain in there!"

At that point, I knew what I was experiencing was real. If he saw it too, I wasn't just imagining it. Or if I was imagining it, I was also physically manifesting it. I stepped out of the shower and asked him if he would go in and see if it happened for him as well. It did happen for him, and for each and every one of the other people who were brave enough to try it that night. I have no idea what is going on there, but all I can say is that I stood on the edge of something huge. Something beyond our human comprehension. I may not have had the courage to reach in and experience it, but I acknowledged it, and for now that was good enough.

Believe.

Later in the night, an even more powerful event took place. This is the portion of the night I can't share. It's not my story to tell. It belongs to someone else. He just allowed me to be a part of it and for that I will be forever grateful. I believe the two events of the night were related. The door of the Universe opened for us and allowed us to see beyond our human limitations and to experience something which showed us that there is something greater out there watching over us. Helping us. Wanting us to ask for access to its wealth of knowledge. And willing to share that knowledge when we're ready. It was a game changer for those of us who were a part of it all. We have each been affected in some way by our participation, partly because we allowed ourselves to believe.

Believe.

Later as we discussed and analyzed the experience, we realized that it happened only because we were ready. Six months ago, I know I would not have been prepared for my role in it all. Because of that realization, we learned that everything is perfectly timed. It happens exactly when you are ready. Not an instant before and not an instant after. Like magic.

Believe.