Day 226

All my life, I have been the last one picked for any type of athletic competition. But I've never minded much, because when it comes to an intellectual competition, I've always been picked first. At least I'm good at something, right? So imagine my surprise to find myself faced with a challenge where the physical part is coming more easily than the intellectual part. I am in unfamiliar territory here. I don't know how to help myself and I don't know how to ask for help, because I don't know what I need. How can I manifest it, if I don't even know what it is?

This is a challenge I can meet. If it weren't, I wouldn't have been blessed with a teacher who is able to shift gears on a dime while pretending not to notice that I'm holding back tears in class. I am so frustrated. How do I convince myself that I am capable of learning Spanish? How do I get over this feeling that "I can't"? Because until I am able to tell myself that "I can", nothing will change.

I think the first step is to Let Go of the notion that my worth as a person hinges on my intelligence. Being smart is part of my comfort zone. It's amazing how this journey to the Camino has already broken me open, exposing my deepest, most closely held beliefs about myself. This situation is a perfect example of that. Each time I face that discomfort, I am offered the opportunity to shift perspective. To see things differently. But only if I'm willing.

Let Go. To Receive.

And now I'm going to go hike up a mountain. Because I can.