Day 309

Today I realized that I leave in exactly 8 weeks. So much to do. So many goodbyes ahead. So much uncertainty.  Am I doing the right thing? Is this just a big mistake? What if, like so many insist on asking me lately, I can't do it?

This has been one of those weeks.

Just when I was ready to make the final push, physically, I got a severe blister on the ball of my foot that has taken several days to heal. I feel like I'm in worse shape than I was when I started this whole thing, and falling further behind every day.

I've gotten lost while driving three times in the past week, unable to get my bearings even with the help of a GPS map. I now admit that I can't read a map. It's not that I don't know how. It's that my brain doesn't work the way other people's brains do. When I picture a map in my head, California is on the right and New York is on the left. It's been that way for as long as I can remember. How am I supposed to find my way across a foreign country?

There have been tough conversations and hard decisions that needed to happen before I fly across the Atlantic for 2 months, but they have taken their toll on me emotionally, leaving me drained and feeling doubtful. I've been in tears more times than I can count.

Oh yes, and on top of it all, I'm feeling spiritually bankrupt at the exact moment that I need to rely on that the most.

I'm physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained. It's the biggest test of my commitment I've faced so far. Do I have it in me to get through this? I guess stay tuned to find out.

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right,
And forget about the ones who don't.
If you get a chance - take it.
If it changes your life - let it.
Nobody said that it would be easy.
They just promised it would be worth it." ~Author Unknown