At this time a year ago, I was experiencing a lot of hurt, sadness and confusion. I wasn't sure how to handle all of those emotions, but looking back, I wasn't handling them well, that's for sure. I was overwhelmed in negativity. People I expected to have my back, were suddenly sticking a knife in it instead. It was a lonely time for me. A time to learn life's lessons and to discover who my true friends were. And a time when new friends and new opportunities made their way into my life, filling the void that had been left in my heart, and offering suggestions and support from fresh perspectives.
One of these suggestions came from Mari, exactly a year ago today. It was an article on the benefits of walking. It discussed how walking not only helped to trim and tone the body, it also helped to clear the mind. I remember thinking that I'd try anything to "escape" from the sadness I was feeling. That very day, I went for a short walk through the surrounding neighborhoods. I'm not sure how much I felt like it helped to clear my mind, but I made a promise to myself to get out and walk at least 3 times a week. Of course, as you can guess, that didn't happen. I've never been good at the follow-through when it comes to making the commitment to exercise. Life got in the way, and the time it took to get out of the house and go for a walk just wasn't a priority.
Who knew that 10 short days after receiving that article and taking that first walk, I would make a decision that would change the next year of my life in ways I never could have imagined. On April 27, 2012, I made the decision to walk the Camino de Santiago. I officially began preparing for the adventure less than a week later, on May 1. After looking at the calendar, and thinking long and hard about when I was going to embark on this adventure, I set the target date for a year later. May 1, 2013. I have never prepared for anything for a full year. I am a very spontaneous person. Too much planning and preparation causes me to lose interest. I want to just make the plan, and go. In fact, I came very close to setting a date in September of 2012, which would have given me just 4 months to get ready. Something told me that wouldn't be enough time. A year seemed reasonable. And so, a year it was.
I had no idea how to prepare. I remember posting a status on Facebook that said, "How exactly does someone walk 500 miles?" I got many different responses from people, none of them understanding that I was serious. How could they believe I was serious, when I didn't even believe it yet? But rather than focusing on the "how", I focused on the "what". I let the "how" take care of itself, and it did. If I had allowed my mind to be in control of this journey, rather than my soul, I believe I would have failed miserably. I would have gotten in my own way, then made excuses about why I couldn't do what I had planned. And I would have given up. Not a doubt in my mind. My soul was what led me to the decision to walk the Camino. My soul needed to be in charge of getting me there.
Miracles have happened for me over the past year. My life has changed in ways I never thought possible. I am not the same person I was when I started all of this. I still feel that old sting in my heart once in awhile, reminding me of the dark place where this began, but it's more like a memory of the pain than the actual pain itself. I have learned to find gratitude in the difficult moments. I am thankful for those people who are no longer a part of my life, who served their purpose in my journey, and I in theirs. Old friends, good memories, lessons learned. It was all worth it and I'd do it all again, in exactly the same way.
As the article said, walking has helped to clear my mind. It has given me a purpose, a direction, a destination. But I realize now it's not about reaching the destination at all. It's about the act of reaching itself, stretching and expanding my dreams, and thereby, my reality. What I dream, I can do. My success in all of this won't magically arrive when I stand at the doorway to the cathedral in Santiago de Campostela. I have already achieved my success. I have followed a dream. I have looked fear in the eye and let it know it no longer controls my life. I have discovered that I am worth the effort.
"Solvitur ambulando."
It is solved by walking.
~Unknown
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