Day 360

Today I took some time to drive past my old house in the town of Elizabeth, Colorado. Of all the places I've lived, I've only considered two of them home. This house was one of them. The rest, and there have been many, have all felt like stops along the way. Believe it or not, I lived in this house for only 8 years, but it was the longest I'd ever lived anywhere. I loved the place. It nurtured my soul. When I sold it, I left a little piece of me behind. As I drove past it slowly today, noticing what had changed and what had remained the same, I felt that little piece of me. Left behind, but not completely forgotten. I remembered who I had been, I thought of the friends who had helped to make the house a home, I allowed the memories to surround me - good and bad. But really, there were no bad memories. They were all good. Because that's how the past works for me. The bad is always overshadowed by the good.

That period of my life was a great example of my natural ability to use the Law of Attraction to get exactly what I wanted, without even knowing what I was doing. Before I lived there, I'd regularly tell my friends how I wanted a house in the country, with some land. I wanted a cowboy, a couple horses and a really cool dog, and I got it all, exactly how I asked for it. I had no idea how it would all arrive. I just worried about the "what" and let the "how" take care of itself. Sound familiar? But I was only scratching the surface of what I truly desired down deep in my soul.

I understand now how the house symbolized my attempt to live a more grounded lifestyle. Soon after buying that house in the country on some land, I met Bryan, who I would soon settle down with and later marry. Together we bought a couple horses and we got a really cool dog - which somehow turned into four really cool dogs. But I was never good at being settled. I never wanted to stay home, although I was always happy to return. Bryan and I traveled many days out of each year, mostly road trips to rodeos in some small town somewhere. It didn't matter to me where we went as long as we were going somewhere.

I have dug deeper over the past few years. What I wanted back then is not what I want anymore. That doesn't mean there was anything wrong with it. After all, it's what led me to this moment in time. That period of my life was just a stop along the way, which took place, ironically, in a house I considered home. I've lived my life in a series of ironies like that. I've gotten used to it. It suits me.

I can't wait to see what the future holds over the next two months, especially now that I have seen that I am the one that creates it. I wonder what I want for myself. Stay tuned to find out.

"You don't attract what you want, you attract what you are." ~Dr. Wayne Dyer