June 13, 2013

I had an A-Ha! moment just now when I realized I've completely checked out of this experience. In my head I'm already immersed in everything back in Colorado.  My days here are beginning to feel like something I have to endure in order to make it to the end. After O'Cebreiro, it feels like the magic vanished into thin air. But it's not the magic that has disappeared. It's my focus and intention to experience that magic and allow it to continue to fill my life that has changed.

This is what I do. I get very excited about something new, but when I get close to realizing the goal, I get impatient. I just want it over with already, so I can get excited about the next new thing that will be coming along. I live my life looking for that next adrenaline rush. But I've never learned to find the peace that comes with the contentment of what is. Right now. At this very moment.

While it may seem exciting and adventurous to live life as I do, there is no real fulfillment in it. I'm always looking for something other than what I have. That's no way to live. It's time to find my happiness in whatever is happening right now. It's time to re-focus and to live each moment more fully. Like I was doing at the beginning of this journey.

I realized today that I had overestimated the time I needed to make it to Santiago, now that the tough stages are over for the most part. I considered changing my hotel reservations and moving up the date when I'll arrive in Santiago. Then I could go somewhere exciting before I catch my plane to the U.S. But then I remembered how excited I was for the Camino. Why not find that excitement again, instead of searching out my next adventure. And so, I will stick to my schedule, rest days and all. I will live in this experience fully. I will not short change what I'm doing here.

Hi. I'm Callea, and I'm an excitement junkie. This is day one of my recovery.