Saturday, June 1, 2013

May 30, 2013

Today, for the first time, I truly felt I'd lost my way. I arrived at a roundabout out in the middle of nowhere with signs and roads going in all different directions. The yellow arrows that were painted on the ground were not helpful at all. They were pointing in three different directions, and there was a road sign that read "Camino" that pointed in a fourth. Usually at that time of day, there are people ahead of me or behind me who can be helpful at deciphering which way we should go. This time, however, there was no one. Anywhere. No people walking, no cars, no businesses. Nothing. After a few tears and some worthless self-pity, I decided I had to make a decision. Pick a direction and go with it. I couldn't just stand here all day.

Luckily, with intuition and some help from above, I picked the right direction. As soon as I started walking, I found this non-traditional arrow confirming I was going the right way.  All I had to do was pick a direction and start walking and the confirmation arrived. Standing locked in one spot waiting for someone to come along and rescue me got me nowhere.

I found the incident to be extremely ironic, because the day before, while still in León, I had begun to feel that I'd truly lost my way in general. I was wishing I had someone to talk to, who could point me in the right direction because the signs I was receiving from the Universe just weren't clear. I love how the Camino takes what I'm feeling and illustrates it in a real-life situation, then waits as I figure it out.

I have recently begun to think about what's next when I get home. Where will I live? What will I do with this new life I'm creating here as I walk the way and change who I am? It's somewhat daunting. And even more than a little frightening. Who will I be when this is all over? It's one thing to say I know I'm on a life-changing journey, it's another thing to follow through with allowing my life to change. Those were the thoughts going through my mind as I walked on once I'd found my way. And suddenly, there it was. My yellow arrow. In the form of a poem painted on an underpass. It's not pretty or artistic. But it was exactly what I needed at exactly that moment.

Dream what you dare to dream,
Be who you want to be,
Go where you want to go...

Dream what I dare to dream? Is that possible? Is that even allowed? Not long after that, I came across this symbol on the path. I'm still not clear about its meaning, but I honestly don't think it matters. It had a profound impact on me, to the point where I had to sit down on the side of the road and cry it all out before I could even walk through it. Dream what I DARE to dream. I dare to dream big!

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