May 20, 2013

Last night I met a friend for wine and tapas in Santo Domingo de la Calzada.  I had just walked through another tough day. I planned to go to bed early and rest my weary feet. It seems that another bonus of this trip is a developing case of plantar fasciitis in both heels. I knew I was coming to walk the Camino and to do some hard work. I thought I came into this whole experience completely prepared, with my eyes wide open. There's no way I could've been prepared for what I would experience. When I say this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, I'm not exaggerating.

As Nancy and I talked, I told her that I knew it'd be hard, but I'd honestly expected to get some joy out of the experience too. When does the joy begin? I know some of you will say the same thing I've been telling myself. That I am I charge of choosing joy or misery. But let me just tell you, that choice is sometimes very difficult to make when adversity abounds day and night.  Sometimes you need a little help in choosing joy. A reminder. A stirring in the soul to reassure you that there is beauty in the world. And if that's what you really want to see, that's what you will see.

I finally decided last night that I do want to see the beauty and to experience the joy that life has to offer. I have had enough of the ups and downs and the hard work. At least for now. I need a break. It's completely in my power to take that time out. To rest and rejuvenate. To enjoy my life experiences.

Since the Camino ALWAYS provides exactly what I need when I need it, last night I asked, "When does the joy begin?"

Today, I received my answer.

Now.

At that moment of now, I walked through the gates of the city of Burgos and found my joy in the form of the most beautiful architecture I have seen since I arrived in Spain. There is something about art and architecture that moves me deep within. It happened in Italy so often that I had to keep reminding myself to be amazed. It happened again today. I have chosen joy and it was right here waiting for me to arrive.

In practical terms, what this means is that I have been so focused on doing this Camino thing the right way so as not to disappoint others, that I've forgotten to do it in the right way so as not to disappoint myself. I am here to do some hard work physically, mentally and spiritually. But I am not the type of person to work hard day after day after day. I work so I can live, not the other way around.

From here on, my Camino will be different. I will be walking fewer kilometers than I originally intended. Some who walk the Camino do only the last 100 km or 60 miles required to receive a Compostela. I have already walked twice that much, and I will walk more than twice that much again, and along with that, continue to do the hard work I came here to do. This is not an admission of defeat, it is a choice for my happiness. My reassessment will result in fewer kilometers walked, but more joy received. By the time I've finished, I will have completed about 570 km, or about 350 miles. To me, that is a worthy exchange.

And to those of you that pray, or send healing energy, please send lots of both for my heels.