May 23, 2013

Today I left Burgos behind and headed off down the road again. I've looked at the distance I can realistically complete, so I took my last bus to that point. Now I'll finally be able to enjoy this journey without feeling so much pressure. The last little residue of guilt was gone when I boarded a bus full of pilgrims all doing the same thing.

I listened to a guy in his mid-20's talk about his injury, very similar to mine. He mentioned that he goes on long distance hikes in the mountains of California almost every weekend. Another guy was a marathon runner. He said the toll this is taking on his body was more than he'd ever experienced in all his years of running. I didn't feel so bad after that, considering I only got off the couch a year ago. If its tough for those guys, then I'm doing ok.

Now that I have let go of the guilt of not fulfilling my unrealistic expectations, the clouds have lifted and the sun is shining, both in my spirit and on the trail. Right now I'm sitting on the front lawn of an albergue, with a beer and a smile on my face. People are playing frisbee and chatting and soaking up the sun. I think this is my favorite afternoon so far.

I find it fascinating how the Camino is a mirror of my life, both current and past, reflecting the experiences I've had and helping me to learn the lessons I may have missed along the way, and to heal that which is still wounded.

Last night, I had dinner with my friends from Portugal, Alex and Ana once again. Ana mentioned that the Camino was a love/hate kind of relationship. I told her I didn't think I'd found the love part yet. At least not until I arrived in Burgos. She then reminded me of all the personal breakthroughs I've had. "There's your love," she said. And she is so right.

This IS a once in a lifetime experience. I will never be the same, once I am done. Not because I wasn't already good enough, but because I can be so much more.